“The Lord wants you to be broken before Him,” said an anonymous person to me on our first Sunday here at the Gateway. “He wants you to be vulnerable.”
With these words, the wrestling match between my spirit and my flesh began.
The following week, a teammate approached me with an “oreo.” (This is our method of feedback, where you sandwich a critique between two positive aspects of the other person.) For the frosting, she told me that it seemed like there’s times when I’m holding back and not being vulnerable with others. Another person gave me a similar oreo the next day.
Ok, God! I get what you’re trying to tell me, but I’m still not sure I’m going to be vulnerable about everything…
Our teaching two days later focused on living in the grace of Jesus Christ. It developed into a night where we brought our struggles into the light by sharing them with others. Then they washed his/her feet to cleanse them from the gunk that tends to cling to them (literally and metaphorically). During the first part, I continued to wrestle within myself over whether or not I’d follow God’s urging to open up; my spirit was willing, but my flesh rejected the notion. I knew God would not force me to do anything but wanted me to be vulnerable out of obedience and to glorify His Name. It came down to my choice. Then the following thought came to mind:
How far am I willing to go for God?
This convicted me, and I knew what I had to do. Upon making eye contact with a person across the room, I walked over and was vulnerable with her and the leader sitting next to her. As it turns out, they’ve struggled with the same things I have. Looking back, this shouldn’t have surprised me, for Paul even tells us in 1 Corinthians 10:13, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man…” Yet I’m still grateful to God for orchestrating it perfectly and for this realization.
On that night, no one judged anyone for the shortcomings they’d divulged; rather, we spoke life and truth into their lives. This vulnerability with each other is part of the genuine community we are discovering and experiencing. Another important aspect of living in community is generosity. Selfishness has no place here. We share just about everything, especially clothing, food, and laptops, like the early believers did. (“And all who believed were together and had all things in common.” – Acts 2:44) I absolutely love it and cannot recall how I survived any other way.
While I may say this lightly, it really could be a matter of survival for the local Mexican community. In our ejido, many families are poor and rely on living in this manner to have some of their needs met. They’ve continually extended their generosity towards us “gringos” though. An elderly lady whom I and three other gals had met on a prayer walk graciously opened her home to us. We sat and conversed with her to the best of our Spanish-speaking abilities (and made some comical errors such as “the cat is food” instead of it’s “funny”). Towards the end of our visit, she gave each of us a necklace as a gift! How sweet! It will never cease to amaze me how generous people are with how little they have.
“It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with justice.”
– Psalm 112:5
– Psalm 112:5
Finally, please pray for the health of everyone here, as some people have not been feeling well. Thank you!
Ah, sweets. it is safe with God! He also makes it safe with others too to open up & become vulnerable. Thank you for being obedient to Jesus’ promptings.
Yeah, you are rockin! Proud of you and you have great writing abilities!
Hey Girlie! I love reading your blogs! They make me feel like you’re not quite so far away… 😉 And about being vulnerable…I’m in the same place as you. Except that I haven’t told anyone yet and God’s telling me that I need to. *sigh* It’s hard, but I’ll get through it. 😉 Love ya!